Satan's Lies

I have decided to pour out my heart this morning. That always brings such a feeling of relief and calm, doesn’t it? Anyway, about 3 or 4 weeks ago, I realized something that had been going on in me for a few weeks before that. I had been listening and believing lies that the devil had been putting in my mind and my heart. There was an increasingly loud voice in my mind that kept telling me things like, “you’re a terrible wife. If Tim isn’t completely happy and satisfied in all areas of your marriage, you are the only one to blame.” Or “you’re a horrible mother. Kendall can’t even crawl yet like all babies her age can. You must not know how to raise a child.” Or “you have no friends. No one wants to talk to you, invite you over, be with you at all. And no wonder—look at yourself.” Or “you are incredibly fat and ugly. You have become a complete and utter failure in life because of it too.”

And the sad thing is, I was believing all of these things unquestioningly. I have never hated myself so much or been so low. One night, as I was rocking Kendall to sleep, I heard another voice speak to me—well, shout at me really. It said, “Carrie, you’re believing lies. Satan has a strong hold in your life in this area right now. You are my child, I love you, and I made you exactly who you are, and my creation is GOOD.” I started to cry. After laying Kendall down, I confessed everything I had been feeling and hearing to Tim. And my life took a 180 starting that night. I started believing God’s truths. I admit, I still did and do find myself falling into thinking negatively about myself, but as soon as I catch myself, I pray. And God helps me to turn around again. I’m not perfect. I’m not a perfect mother, a perfect wife, or a perfect friend. I struggle with my weight and am not the most gorgeous girl around. But I’m God’s perfect creation. And through Him I can get closer to being perfect. No more lies.

Standing

Kendall has been getting so great at standing! She can pull her self up on almost anything and wants to be standing all day long. As I was folding laundry last night, she insisted on “helping.” She would stand up next to the laundry basket and pull out clothes one by one until she had a pile next to her. I would put the pile back in the laundry basket so I could fold it, and the game would start again. What a great helper… ;) Good thing she’s so cute!



Speaking of folding laundry, my week has seemed like it’s been nothing but cleaning up and trying to catch up, as most people are doing around here after the storm on Monday. Tim and I took the day off on Monday (since there was no electricity anyway) to clean up the yard and help some of those around us. I had a normal Tuesday, and then Wednesday hit me. I’m behind on so much at work and was running around like crazy trying to finish all my different projects and studies. At home there’s baking, cleaning, cooking, taking care of a baby, and practices to go to. Kendall has also decided to wake up 5 times a night this last week, and I do not handle severe lack of sleep well. All I want to do is hide under a desk, maybe cry a little bit, and come out when the week is done. Times like these make me DETEST my long drive to and from Ankeny every day. What a waste of precious time.

To ease our fears and frustrations, Tim and I made a schedule for the rest of the week. We have outlined certain things that need to get done every day after work, and when we are done with that night's list, we are allowed to sit and relax the rest of the night. Last night, we didn’t get to sit down until 8:30, which is almost bedtime, but we did get our whole list done. So I practice my deep breathing, check items off the list at work and at home as I get them done, and pray, pray, pray. I pray for sanity, for peace, for energy, and for the ability to stave off crabbiness. Hopefully next week will slow down… until Kendall starts walking by herself… :)

Etsy Shop

My mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and I opened an Etsy shop about a month ago. We've gotten some views, and Mom sold a little doll, but for the most part, our site has not seen much action. I'm rather disappointed about that--I was hoping that maybe I would be selling hats left and right so that I could make enough money to quit my job, stay home with Kendall, and knit all day. Sadly though, people look but don't buy. Sigh...

If you want to look also, here is the site.

For a quick preview, here are some of the pictures of Kendall modeling one of the hats I've made and a bow Beth made. What a lovely model! :)